the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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