You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
