I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
