when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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