JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
