Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize