Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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