why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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