first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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