oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
