Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
