Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
