would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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