My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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