She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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