ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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