I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
