If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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