Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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