Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
porn star boner night. come get it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
