Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
