mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
