Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
