His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
