I am midnight drunk by noon
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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