Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
