Too much gin, very little bucket
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
