Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
