I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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