I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
