Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
