he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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