The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
