Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
