Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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