im drinking this country out of the recession.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
