I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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