we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
