dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
