I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
