According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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