YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
