Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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