I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
