you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
