If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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