why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
