I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
