Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
