So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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