i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
