so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
