I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
