there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
