A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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