also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
