Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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