When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
